Will the Real Lee Jordan Please Stand Up?
by Leonia
Summary: A parody of Eminem's


"The Real Lee Jordan"  
by Carmine  
  
May I have your attention please?  
May I have your attention please?  
Will the real Lee Jordan please stand up?  
I repeat, will the real Lee Jordan please stand up?  
We're gonna have a problem here...  
  
Y'all act like you've never seen Acme turned bad before  
Jaws all over the floor like Acme agents swarm through the door  
And start arresting people in sight  
They started out with Carmen, then moved on with the next two  
It's the return of the...  
"Oh wait, no way, you're kidding  
You just didn't get hired by Acme, did you?"  
And the Chief said...  
Nothing you idiots! The Chief's been unplugged  
He's shut off from his computer at Acme!  
All my fans love Lee J.  
"(Ivy)Lee Jordan, I'm sick of him,  
Look at him, walking around, ripping us off  
Ticking off Carmen Sandiego, thinks he's so cute."  
Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my head loose   
But no worse is what's going on behind Acme's closed doors   
Sometimes, I wanna get on TV and just let loose, but can't  
But it's cool for Maelstrom to break out of Folsom  
I ripped off Carmen's words of advice  
And if I'm lucky, you might as well deal with it  
And that's the message I deliver to little kids  
And expect them not to know where I got my training   
Of course they're gonna know where I got it  
By the time they hit fourth grade  
Their parents' got the CNN Channel don't they?  
We ain't nothing but thieves at heart  
Well, some of us more destructive  
Who blow up airports and leave X-marks-the-spot clues  
But if Carmen and Hannah can escape from jail  
Then there's no reason why I can't fail  
But if you feel like I've got the antidote  
Throw away your Acme badges, sing the chorus and here it goes!  
  
I'm Lee Jordan, yes I'm the real Lee  
All you other Lee Jordans are just imitating  
So won't the real Lee Jordan please stand up  
Please stand up, please stand up  
'Cause I'm Lee Jordan, yes I'm the real Lee  
All you other Lee Jordans are just imitating  
So won't the real Lee Jordan please stand up  
Please stand up, please stand up  
  
Carmen doesn't need force in her raps to steal things  
Well I do, so call me extra insane or whatever you say  
You think I give a thought about Acme?  
Half of you agents can't even stomach me, let alone stand me  
"But Lee, what if you came back? Wouldn't that be weird?"  
Why? So you guys could just lie to get me back  
And arrest me next to Maelstrom and Sara Bellum  
Shoot, Carmen Sandiego better switch me chairs  
So I can sit next to Acme detectives Zack and Ivy  
And hear them argue who got Carmen S. first  
Little twits sent me to the slammer  
"This guy's incredibly amazing!" So?  
I should download Acme's computer system  
And infect it with a virus  
I'm sick of you Acme agents  
All you do is take Carmen's side  
So I have been sent here to wipe all of you guys out  
And there's a million of us just like me   
Who think like me; who just don't give a thought like me   
Who dress like me; walk, talk and act like me   
And it might be the next best thing but not quite me!  
  
I'm Lee Jordan, yes I'm the real Lee  
All you other Lee Jordans are just imitating  
So won't the real Lee Jordan please stand up  
Please stand up, please stand up  
'Cause I'm Lee Jordan, yes I'm the real Lee  
All you other Lee Jordans are just imitating  
So won't the real Lee Jordan please stand up  
Please stand up, please stand up  
  
I'm like a head trip to listen 'cause I'm only giving you  
Things you joke about with your friends inside your living room  
The only difference is I've got the nerves to steal  
In front of y'all and I don't have to steal for the challenge of it  
I just get on national TV and spit and whether you like to admit it  
I just spat out better than 90 percent of all you thieves out there  
Then you wonder how could Acme go so wrong despite high IQs  
It's funny 'cause at the rate I'm going when I'm fifty  
I'll be the only one who steal for the money of it  
Beating Carmen off at her own league when I'm making off or stealin'  
Said I'm STEALIN' but all these trips to court isn't working  
And every single person is a Lee Jordan lurking  
They could be working at Townhall Cafe spitting on your glazed donuts  
Or in the parking lot, circling, screaming "I'm the best, Carmen sucks!"  
With their windows down and their systems up  
So will the real Lee Jordan please stand up?  
And put one of those fingers on each hand up?  
And be proud to be out of your mind and out of control  
And one more time, loud as you can, how's it go?  
  
I'm Lee Jordan, yes I'm the real Lee  
All you other Lee Jordans are just imitating  
So won't the real Lee Jordan please stand up  
Please stand up, please stand up  
'Cause I'm Lee Jordan, yes I'm the real Lee  
All you other Lee Jordans are just imitating  
So won't the real Lee Jordan please stand up  
Please stand up, please stand up  
  
I'm Lee Jordan, yes I'm the real Lee  
All you other Lee Jordans are just imitating  
So won't the real Lee Jordan please stand up  
Please stand up, please stand up  
'Cause I'm Lee Jordan, yes I'm the real Lee  
All you other Lee Jordans are just imitating  
So won't the real Lee Jordan please stand up  
Please stand up, please stand up  
  
Ha ha  
Guess there's a Lee Jordan in all of us  
Forget you, let's all stand up 


End file.
